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Pronouns
What are pronouns?
We use pronouns most often when referring to someone without using their name, to make sentences feel less awkward. In English, pronouns often refer to a person’s gender but there are neutral ones. There are also “alternative” pronouns – some of these have been around for centuries as people play with language, & new ones created all the time. In some languages there are only gender-neutral pronouns, in others there are many. Canadian society still largely operates as if there are 2 sexes or genders. But not everyone fits into these binary categories. This means that pronouns such as he & she don’t work for everyone around the world.
Why does it matter?
Hundreds of societies around the globe have long-established traditions for 3rd, 4th, 5th or more genders, a diversity of sexes, & varying sexualities. With the number of immigrants to Canada steadily increasing every year, understanding different perspectives & experiences of sex, gender, & sexuality across the world is more critical than ever.
Before European colonizers, there were at least 135 Indigenous languages in North America that had terms that identified individuals who were neither men nor women. The categories of sex, gender, & sexuality, like many labels, have been introduced through colonial processes – the ways one group of people controls another. The end goal is to constrain, transform & destroy cultural practices & bodies to ensure the dominance & maintenance of those with power. Truth & reconciliation requires us to move beyond binary perspectives & end this ongoing violence.
As social attitudes change, each generation finds the language & courage to express their true selves. The use of gender-affirming language has proven to help reduce the negative mental health consequences of exclusion & marginalization. Inclusion asks us to consider if an environment is safe for everyone to feel like they belong. Justice challenges us to consider whose safety is being sacrificed & minimized to allow others to be comfortable maintaining dehumanizing views. Ontario’s Human Rights Code is explicit: gender identity & gender expression (alongside sex & sexual orientation) are prohibited grounds of discrimination; respecting someone’s pronouns helps to uphold these rights.
Sharing your pronouns & Alternatives
Adding your pronouns to email signatures or name tags or stating them when you introduce yourself can show respect, allyship & increase awareness. By modelling & normalizing the sharing of your own pronouns, you create a safe place for other people to share theirs.
If you are uncomfortable sharing your pronouns for whatever reason, there are other ways to create this safety. You could include an inclusive progress pride flag or an ally flag in your email signature or wear a pin; if you truly have no preference you can use (any/all).
When should I ask? What if I make a mistake?
Sharing pronouns should never be mandatory. You shouldn’t need to ask someone’s pronouns if you remain neutral by defaulting to using they/them or using their name only. In a group setting asking someone directly to share their pronouns is inappropriate as this can force some people to either lie or publicly disclose their status to a roomful of strangers. Also, these requests can imply that a person is not presenting their gender in a way that is consistent with their gender identity.
If you make a mistake, simply apologize or correct yourself & move on. When someone asks you to use their pronouns, they are asking for you to respect their identity so don’t get defensive. Put yourself in their shoes: how would you feel if someone was disrespecting you? If someone else makes a mistake, correct them but do not make a big deal out of the mistake. If someone uses a pronoun you haven’t seen before, be courteous & discrete by providing some context, explaining you want to be an ally & use their pronouns correctly. Intentionally choosing to ignore or disrespect someone’s pronouns is an act of oppression & violence.
Inclusive Language
How we talk with others can reflect assumptions & bias:
- not everyone with a child is a parent
- not every child has a mom &/or dad
- there are more than two sexes & genders
- don’t judge based on appearance
- don’t assume monogamy, coupledom, sexuality, or biological relatedness
AVOID
parents
mom/dad
son/daughter
brother/sister
he/she
his/her
man/woman
wife/husband
boyfriend/girlfriend
USE INSTEAD
adult
caregiver/guardian
child/kids
sibling
they
their
person
spouse/partner
partner/lover
What does 2SLGBTQIA+ mean?
2Spirit: an English term used by some Indigenous people to represent an umbrella of gender, sex, & sexual variance & subsequent ceremonial & social roles
Lesbian: a woman who experiences romantic or sexual attraction to other women
Gay: a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual; most often used to describe a man who experiences romantic or sexual attraction to other men
Bisexual: romantic, emotional or sexual attraction toward ones own gender & other genders; most often used to describe someone attracted to men & women
Transgender: an umbrella term for people whose gender differs from the sex/gender they were assigned at birth
Queer: an umbrella term for sexual & gender minorities; also describes a philosophy of resistance against normativity; though reclaimed, not everyone is comfortable with the term because of its pejorative origins
Questioning: people who may be unsure, still exploring, or going through a process of exploration of one’s gender &/or sexuality
Intersex: when the parameters (genitalia, chromosomes, hormones etc) used to define sex at birth don’t fit in binary definitions of male/female
Asexual: a person who may not experience sexual attraction or has low or absent interest in sexual activity
Plus: inclusive of cross-cultural, sexual & gender diversity including,
Fluid: gender expression & identity &/or romantic, emotional or sexual attraction that is in flux or changing over time, situation or context
Non-Label: a non-identity; can include those who are uncertain, fluid or resistant to identity labels
Pansexual: romantic, emotional, or sexual attraction towards people of any sex/gender
Genderqueer: umbrella term to represent non-normative experiences with their gender outside of male-female binaries
Agender: a person who may not have a sense of gender or be gender neutral
The Meaning Behind Pride Flags
Pride Flags are more than a rainbow of colours, they are designed as symbols of hope & liberation. Pride flags continue to be updated & reimagined to reflect the people, identities & communities they represent. Flags have also been designed to represent bisexuality (1998), lesbian women (1999-2019), transgender (1999), ace (2010), pan (2010), genderqueer (2011), genderfluid (2012), intersex (2013), non-binary (2014), aromantic (2014), & gay men (2016-2019). No one flag or symbol is the “right” one. What you chose to represent you is valid.
Before the Flag
The pink triangle served as a positive symbol of self-identity & love for queerness. Like the word queer, the triangle was reclaimed in the 1970s from its negative origins. In Nazi Germany, the pink triangle was a concentration camp badge for imprisoned gay men who were treated harshly by other prisoners.
Original Flag
Gilbert Baker designed the rainbow pride flag for the 1978 San Francisco Gay Freedom Day celebration to usher in “the dawn of a new gay consciousness & freedom.” It was intended to represent all of the LGBT community. This version included a pink stripe on the top to represent sex & a turquoise stripe for art.
Traditional Flag
Due to low demand and the difficult manufacturing of pink and turquoise fabric, it was hard to source these colors for the flag. It was also challenging to split the colors in half to evenly hang on posts so these colors were dropped by 1979.
Red = Life
Orange = Healing
Yellow = Sunlight
Green = Nature
Blue = Serenity
Purple = Spirit
Progress Flag
Under the direction of Amber Hikes in Philadelphia, black & brown stripes were incorporated into the Pride Flag in 2017, to represent the explicit inclusion of people of color who have historically faced oppression & discrimination in the Pride movement. Daniel Quasar incorporated the Transgender Flag into the traditional pride flag in 2018.
Light blue = Boys
Light pink = Girls
White = Transitioning, Neutral, No gender, Intersex
Black & Brown = People of color
Inclusive Flag
